Is Abstinence the Worst Form of Self Abuse?

By Duduzile E Nhlabathi

A couple of months ago I made a decision to be completely abstain from sex. It was not something that was well thought as there was no one to shag at that time, and as time went by I thought I might as well make this my way of life. The more I got into it, the surer I became about my decision. I think second to purchasing my house, this is the most responsible decision I have ever made.

I know a lot of people will disagree with me in this regard, or even question my sanity and this is perfectly understandable considering that most people think, with the emphasis on the word think, that they cannot live without sex. As much as human beings are sexual beings I think the urge to pounce on another, rip off their clothes and "chop'' the bones out of their skin is more as a result of social conditioning that a physical need. But neither the less I have stood by my decision to abstain from any form of sexual intercourse until marriage (I kid you not), and during this period I have learnt a couple of things about women and bout men.

Sex clouds your judgement, and it is true for both sexes but the only difference is that its tempers with the sanity of a male specie for 5 to 10 to 15, and if you are lucky maybe 20mins, whilst on the other hand it brings about prolonged temporal insanity for most females. Often women get attached to the wrong people because they have seen them at their most vulnerable state. When you stand naked in front of man and he sees you in your most natural state with all your imperfections and wobbly bits, you are totally exposed.

We become attached to those whom we have accepted us at our weakest point and hence this is why sex clouds our judgement. We think that when a man totally embraces us naked he has accepted our imperfections and our brain releases some hormone that makes that moment to be something far bigger than it is. This is the reason why women like to cuddle after sex and this is why is when a guy disappears after 3 months of hanky panky we often die a slow death. We can't change our genetic makeup, but we can try and understand the importance and the role sex plays in our lives. In doing so you will be able to manage your emotions better and make better judgements about prospective lovers or douchebags.

Now on to the fun part: Men are strange creatures and if you want to witness this first hand, look a guy in the eyes and repeat these words "I am celibate". You see no one expects a grown woman in her thirties to think that it is even remotely possible to abstain from sex. Therefore when you tell a man whose primary aim in to give it to you good; that you are not available for such this baffles him. It throws their game out and that's when his animal instincts will kick in.When a man hears such either of the following will happen:

•He will assess your worth, and if you are just not worth his efforts he will move on.
•Or he will be curious and want to find out what it will take to shag you.

Men are designed to get what they want, at all costs. So they will lie, pretend, beg, steal, confess and Lord knows what to get what they want. Secondly men are simple creatures, they don't realise it when they are falling in love. How many times have you heard a man say "I don't know how it happened, I just found myself in love"?You see, when a man sticks around for the thrill of the chase, you are going to see more of him, and since you guys won't be having sex he is going to get creative about how he spends his time with you. He, not very conscious of it is going to reveal his vulnerable side and mostly likely his guard will be down. What happens when one reveals their vulnerable side and you embrace it with open arms, they get attached.

So I ask again, is abstinence the worst form of self abuse? I say no, it's one of the most powerful forms of self mastery and the mastery of others. I mean why not procrastinate when it comes to sex?

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