Why Outer Game Will Naturally Flow From Inner Game

By George Hutton

First, let's look at the differences between outer game and inner game. Outer games refers to your behaviors, the way you move, the things you say, and how you respond to what she says and does. As you can imagine, there are tons of conflicting information on this.

Should you face her, and open your body language, or is that too "beta"? Should you be "cocky and funny" to show how confident you are, or should you only say kind things? Should you pursue her aggressively, or remain aloof?

The bottom line is that all of these behaviors work well in various circumstances. If you only rely on one particular strategy, it will only work some of the time. Naturally, the more experience you get, the more you'll "know" what to do based on the situation.

Now, if you're building up all that experience on top of a set of false beliefs and ideas that don't support this "outer game," you are going to have a lot of internal conflict. Every time you approach a girl, you'll feel nervous and anxious. If you need to approach several girls in one evening in order to start to feel comfortable, only to have that relaxed, comfortable feeling disappear once you stop approaching, you're trying to layer outer game on top of insufficient inner game.

What is inner game? It's your beliefs, your self confidence, and your self esteem. Self confidence stems from your belief in your ability to perform certain functions. It's very contextual. Self esteem stems from how you see yourself in general. How you "feel" about yourself. A healthy self esteem is if you are happy with yourself, and genuinely like yourself.

Beliefs are a much bigger issue. Beliefs stem from childhood experiences. When it comes to approaching and seducing women, your belief in your own value, and how other people's opinion of that value impacts your own value will have a significant impact.

Many people try to build up self esteem by external success. This is a con. The only valuable self esteem can come from your own judgements of yourself. External success, such as money, seduction, and other achievements are largely dependent on other's judgment of you.

The key is to appreciate yourself independent of how other people think of you. Only then will you be free to walk up to any girl in the world, express yourself however you feel, and be totally comfortable with how she responds.

Then all your behaviors, your "outer game" will be much, much more effective.

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