Preparation For The First Date

By Shanique S-L Gabriel

The first date can be the most unforgettable or regrettable experience for many. Factors that determine this experience are attire, behaviour and communication. Ones attire for the first date is crucial. Your attire can result in your date creating a perception of you in his/her mind. It is important to know where you are going on your first date in order to dress for the occasion. For instance males are usually accustomed to the t-shirt jeans regime regardless of the occasion and may not get their hair groomed for the date.

For women it can be overdone makeup, messy hair and much too revealing outfits. If it's a surprise date, ask your date for hints so you know what to wear. Both man and woman should be comfortable being seen with the other. I mean, who wants to be in a position where you have to elude friends you see while on your date because you are embarrassed with your date's attire.

Your behaviour on your first date may or may not communicate things about you and can affect your chances of a second date depending on how real you are. It is important to be yourself. If someone can't accept you for who you are, explore other options, 'plenty of fishes in the sea.' Women have the propensity to test a man's spending power on the first date. Men, sometimes the fault is yours. If a man takes a woman to an elegant expensive restaurant, why should she order the cheapest thing on the menu? She will only assume that taking her there means he can afford to. Women, order what your appetites crave and do not be intimidated into ordering the cheapest thing on the menu. Men, if you know you only have KFC money, please go to KFC, no shame in that. Who doesn't appreciate some good fried chicken? Do not pretend to have more money than you do to impress a woman, keep it real.

One's behaviour can result in the other creating a perception of you. When you interact during the date, you can observe behaviour traits about your date. For instance, laughing vulgar when cracking a joke, talking too loudly, eating like a pig, and scraping everything out of your plate including the gravy.

Another issue that is present on a first date, which is a problem for many women, involves how much to eat. Society accepts that it is perfectly fine for men to eat ample proportions while women are subjected to discrimination. When women are on their first date they are perturbed by how much to consume. Women are often times like "oh I'm full" when they are really not. They eat half of their meals, trying not to seem gluttonous, when they are really famished. Women, how many times can you remember going on a date and leaving hungry? If a man can't appreciate a woman that eats then he can liberate himself before it goes further.

Communication during the date allows you to get to know each other. This is a crucial starting point to the beginning of what might develop into a relationship. There are certain topics that need to be discussed which can determine whether there will be a second date. Why should you waste time going on frequent dates because of fear of asking questions you want to know about? While it is important to find answers, there are some questions that shouldn't be asked on the first date.

What to talk about:

What do you look for in a man/woman? (Find out if you meet the person's criteria/expectations to determine if they are your type)

What things annoy you about a woman/man? (At times we do things that offends the other, its best to find out what these things are to avoid them or to determine if you should move on because you don't plan to change)

Are you engaged/married/living with someone? (Many times we date a committed man/woman without knowing. It is best to ask this question in the beginning because not asking will only cause the guilty to justify with explanation further in the relationship.

6 months into the relationship:

: honey who is this woman/man who keeps calling you.
: Oh, that my fiancé/ wife/husband
: You didn't tell me you were engaged/ married/ living with someone
: It didn't come up; I didn't think it was an issue

Ouch! People will lie about their relationship status. However if you do ask and they deny it, this can be your argument when you find out further in the relationship.

Do you have any children? (Will you be comfortable being a step parent?)

How do you react when having a confrontation with the opposite sex (Find out if the person is verbally/ physically abusive)

Do you live with your parents? (This will prepare you in the event you have to deal with in-laws when you visit. Be prepared!)

What to avoid

Avoid trying to find out if your date makes sufficient money from his/her job. Money talk can be a turn off especially for men

Avoid talking about sex on the first date. Get to know each other better. Find out what's in the head before you find out what's in the pants

Do not talk too much about work. Some people hate their jobs and just want to unwind on the date

Enjoy your first dates! Be yourself!

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