We are all born with inherent emotional needs for belonging, love, appreciation, and security. Through infancy and childhood we have our first and most impactful experiences with relationships and trust and how we can expect those emotional needs to be met.
These experiences lead us to develop attachment styles which we carry with us into adulthood, directing our interpersonal interactions and the ways in which we seek to bond with others, from coworkers to friends to lovers, and fulfill our continuing needs. Three attachment styles spring from those childhood relationship experiences - Secure, Insecure, and Avoidant.
Though many people may argue that your relationships as a child have little or nothing to do with you as an adult; how you have grown out of all that, etc., your Attachment Style in fact has everything to do with your relationships now.
Even more, your Attachment Style and that of your partner may be quite different, causing conflict between you that you never knew the roots of.
Someone gifted with the experience of developing with a Secure attachment style has a sense of confidence in herself and others, that is basically an inherent trust that relationships work and that she can rely on others to meet her emotional needs.
Someone with an Insecure Attachment style is often concerned that she may not be good enough, not worthy of asking another to meet her needs. She has great difficulty trusting that love from her partner could be unconditional.
Someone with an Avoidant Attachment style struggle in connecting with anyone, despite his human needs to do exactly that. He lacks trust in others, always expecting to be let down, therefore trying not to rely on anyone, for anything. Though as humans, we do rely on each other, everyday.
Looking at these basic pictures of the 3 Attachment styles, one can see that people with differing styles will have some difficulty in understanding and relating to one another, from childhood into adolescence and on into adulthood.
A little girl who is open and inviting and trusting will be confused by the boy who won't let her help him build his castle of blocks during recess.
A young boy who wants to tell the girl he has a crush on how much he likes her will be surprised when she pulls her hand away and shakes her head at his compliment.
A woman who offers to exchange apartment keys and date only him exclusively, will be hurt when the man she is dating doesn't call her for the next full week.
Childhood relationships, are the first place where we learn how to trust others along our childhood years, and are crucial to the development of who we become as adults.
Conflict in adult relationships is often confusing, but looking back into our own and our partners' past can reveal a lot about our current challenges and give us our first stepping stone on the path to resolution. Learn more about attachment styles and take an in-depth look at the behaviors that accompany them and can make or break a loving relationship.
It is a great help to learn how to look into your past to identify your attachment style, watch how it manifests now in your adult relationships and what changes you can make to develop into a loving, responsible and trusting grown up.
Nora Femenia is a well known conflict coach and trainer, and CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc. Visit her blog and signup free to be connected to her innovative conflict solutions, positive suggestions and life-changing coaching sessions, along with blog updates, news, and more! You can get to know this new offering: Love, Sex and Passive Aggressive Behavior
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Nora_Femenia
Комментариев нет:
Отправить комментарий