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In the first part of "Why Men Pull Away" we pointed out the fact that guys have a number of roadblocks within their minds. Whenever you recognize those, you can take them down and go forward to a mutually satisfying romance.
You're going to want to make a deep connection with the man you're with, and one sure way to do that is by asking some specific questions while you're chatting, which will enable him to display his true inner personality to you. Here's an example. Let's say you're on the initial date and he mentions he's a lawyer. You don't want to interrogate him so that he feels like he's being sized up... for example "Are you in line to become a partner at your organization?" Or "When will they promote you to a partner?" These kinds of questions are questions women ask all the time. Even if you're not intentionally trying to size him up, these kinds of questions make him just cringe inside. It would be the same feeling as if he were to ask your age, or worse, your weight! On the other hand - you don't want to just make small talk. That will make for a boring conversation and there's no real value. There wouldn't be that deep connection with you which is critical if he is going to see you as that special someone in his life.
You will want start building a connection with him. Using the lawyer example, once he tells you he's a lawyer, a great question might be: "What are your favorite kinds of cases to work on?" "Why?" "Will you tell me about one of them?" You'll see his eyes start to sparkle and light up when he's telling you about this because it's something he's passionate about. This makes him "feel" right. In Part One we discussed the traffic light analogy that men are either in green, yellow or red mode. When your guy talks with his eyes lit up and bright, then you know he's going to be on green!
So what if you're in a relationship already? Well, the same thing applies. So your guy had a hard day at work and he wants to talk about it, you reply and tell him: "Gosh, that sounds rough. How did you handle that?" Or in another instance he tells you about a decision he had to make that was unpopular you might say: "How did you find the guts to go against everyone on that?" These questions allow his response to open himself up to you and reveal more about his true self. Because of the way he "feels" when he's revealing his true inner self, he won't even be able to explain the intense attraction he feels for you.
In light of what you've just learned, here's the main tip to understanding your guy's behavior, and why he pulls away, even if everything seems to be going awesome. In the mind of every guy, there are at least two images of himself. He has that image of what he thinks you see him as, and what everyone else sees him as. Before they become men, little boys are generally taught that to be a man, there's a certain masculinity that they need to live up to. Even though every man is unique, the elements are all the same.
Let's use the example of imagining your man dressed as a knight in a suit of armor. He might represent himself in this way so that he's being shielded from all sides. Under that suit of armor he feels very protected so he's only going to let someone very special see what's underneath. He's definitely not going to reveal all to you at one time, but just small pieces at a time. Just be forewarned that if he feels a bit of disapproval from someone, he's going to put that shield right back up. So then he goes into "yellow light" mode.
Guys really do want to be loved for who they are inside. Ultimately, men feel the need to accomplish important things in life and maybe that they have something to prove. Remember though that men can't really put into words what this "something" might be, but he feels it deep inside. A key point to realize is that he will feel is deep inside if someone is going to help him move forward to his success in life, or if someone is just going to bog him down. I'm sure it's quite obvious that if he feels inside that he is being weighed down, that he'll go into a red light mode and end the relationship.
It is possible at that point, though, to turn it all around and get back to green light mode. As long as he "feels" that you understand his goals and that you will help him, he'll commit. When you fully pay attention to how he processes his feelings and thoughts, then you'll understand what his journey is better than he does.
When you realize just how powerful all of this knowledge is, you will be able to keep your relationship moving forward and in green light mode the whole way.
Michele Ryan is a relationship expert in helping women date and to ultimately become engaged. Find out more about dating tips for women and at her website at http://helphimpropose.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michele_Ryan
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