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We've all been there: the dreaded first date. You walk up to your destination with a slight sense of butterflies in your stomach -- maybe you check the time and primp yourself a little bit. You take a deep breathe. Part of you hopes that you won't be too awkward; part of you hopes that they won't be too awkward. We've all been there, but here are some pointers for first date which will help make it run smoothly, like a well-oiled machine.
First and foremost, keep in mind that the other person is just as nervous as you are. Maybe they might not show it, but to an extent, a part of them is nervous. Subconsciously, they know that you will be sizing them up to see if they're a good mate or not. In order to help get over your nervousness, remember that they also are nervous -- you're both in this together.
Now, let's say that you get in there and you find out that they are a lot more social than you are and seem to just move the conversation a lot easier than you're doing. What then? IF this happens, imagine that they are a really good friend of yours that you are just catching up with. How would you talk if you were talking to an old friend? Think about this for a moment because this might be a bit counter-intuitive. When we're friends with someone, we're comfortable enough that we show our flaws -- now, when we're on a date, we try to put our best foot forward, and hide our flaws. So, this would seem like it's in contradiction with what we want to do, which is put our best foot forward. But the ironic thing is that the less you try to impress someone, the more impressive you appear to be. Remember the last time you were talking to someone and they kept talking about all of the "cool" things that they had done or what made them so great -- it got pretty irritating, didn't it? Yeah, you don't want to do that. Now on the other hand, think about the last time you knew someone who kept on surprising you with hidden talents and specialties -- you were almost more impressed than had they told you up front, weren't you? So, instead of blatantly putting your best foot forward, let them discover it. We love to uncover things -- so let your date uncover your best attributes. Now, this doesn't mean make yourself look drab, but give them the gift of discovering some of the good things about you. Not only does this make it look more natural, but it will also qualify you better.
Next, lets talk about topics of conversation. Now, we've all heard that we shouldn't talk about things like religion and politics, but the truth is, any topic of conversation can be a great topic of conversation -- AND any topic of conversation can be a terrible topic of conversation. The key in making the distinction lies in how YOU decide to steer the conversation. With whatever topic you're talking about pretend that you are talking about an inside scoop -- as if you two are both discussing something that NO ONE else knows about yet. This is your little secret. Think about how you would tell a secret. You might lean in slightly, speak a little bit slower as you dramatically tell the story of what happened and then maybe give them a slight smile as you finish up.
Now, if you two just don't have the same opinion on something you can always lightly play it off. For instance, let's imagine you are talking about politics (I wouldn't recommend it as a conversation starter, but if it comes up... ), and lets say you endorse "candidate A," while your date endorses "candidate B." Instead of saying, "oh, you support 'candidate B', oh... OK well we don't have to talk about that," you can say something like, "oh you're a candidate B supporter? Boo!" and then smile and make an "x" with your fingers and point it at them. See? Do you get the picture? This is a lot better than keeping it too serious if you two disagree on something. Remember, keep it light. Imagine that there is ALREADY a tighter bond among you two that no one particular topic of conversation can break. So if you guys disagree on something, playful shrug it off and move on.
Another thing that you want to be sure of is to not get too serious in terms of what you areagainst. If you start preaching about things that you dislike, you will most likely not come off too good. Instead, talk about the things that you are for; talk about the things that you do like. I know this might seem slightly obvious, but if you're going to get dogmatic about something, make sure its something that you view positively -- then you will be viewed in that same positive light.
You also want to steer clear of the "interview" date where you exchange questions. Don't ask questions like -- "do you like that?", "what's your favorite (blank)?" (although this one is okay if used sparingly), "what do you (blank)?" -- Instead, you can make assumptive statements like, "oh, I bet you loved that... ", or, "you know what I think you'd like?" You can also make commands instead of asking questions. The difference is only slight, but it demonstrates that you have greater confidence and established more rapport among you two. For instance instead of saying, "What was your childhood like?" you can say, "So tell me about your childhood." This is a slight distinction, but it displays a big difference.
OK, now that we've gotten that covered, let's talk about body language. As far as body language is concerned, first and foremost you want to make sure that you smile a lot -- but don't be creepy. I mean, c'mon now. Smile like you would if you saw a sleeping baby and your heart just went "awww". Now, when we're nervous, we either tend to be too serious, or too silly. So find out if you're leaning toward one of these two extremes and moderate it. If you're too serious, lighten up a bit; if you're too silly, tighten up a bit.
Now, it's a lot better to be seen as "too friendly" than as "too serious" so if you are unsure, you can lean more toward too much smiling than too little. It's not the amount of times that you smile so much as how big your smile is. For the fella's, if you smile too wide too often, you might be seen as goofy, but for the ladies, smiling wide will only turn him on more.
Also, make sure that you're looking away every now and then (but don't look around too much -- that will begin to annoy your date). Be aware that if you're nervous, you might have a tendency to keep extended eye contact or to not make any at all. So again, if you're nervous, gauge it and ask yourself, "Am I staring too much at my date -- am I giving off a blank stare?" or, "Am I not making enough eye contact? Am I looking around too much or looking at the floor, etc.?" Look at them too much, it might come off as creepy, look at them too little and you'll come off as having low self-confidence. Make sure that you don't make any of these mistakes. Now, there is an exception to this and that's if you enter into a deep conversation -- then extended eye contact might not be so bad. Also, we have a tendency to tense up when we're nervous; you want to make sure that you DO NOT do this. Relax: remember, imagine that you were hanging out with a friend -- you should have that level of relaxation in your body.
Lastly, to keep it fun, be sure to make a lot of observational humor -- this will give the date a feel as if you two are both experiencing this together, instead of as two separate individuals. For example, lets say you both get the same sandwich at a deli and it tastes a bit bitter. Now instead of saying, "I didn't like it too much." you could look at your date, make a slight wincing face and say, "yeah, it's not too great, is it?" Get the difference? In the first one, you are isolating yourself and pointing out something that you alone experienced; in the second example, you are including your date in the experience so that you two share the experience. Remember, you want to make the whole date an experience that you two share together.
So now that you're all prepared, good luck. Go out there and have yourself one hell-of-a date!
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