It seems illogical that exciting sex (or fantasies) should have anything to do with life's unresolved struggles, one of the most important insights you can have about the erotic mind is that high states of arousal flow from tension between persistent problems and triumphant solutions (Dr. Jack Morin)
What are the common characteristics of my closest relationships?
What do I find most attractive?
What role do I take in these relationships?
What is the earliest significant relationship I can remember?
What was the dynamics of that early relationship?
What shapes these desired characteristics?
Cornerstone 1 - Longing and anticipation
Cornerstone 2 - Violating prohibitions
Cornerstone 3 - Searching for power
Cornerstone 4 - Overcoming ambivalence
A personal case study-
1. 45-year single old gay man.
2. Presents with depression, anxiety, and chemical addiction. His Chemical of choice is methamphetamines.
Family history includes his biological mother and father who are married. His relationship with his mother is good and he has no relationship with his father.
Sexual Fantasy
"I handcuff (C3- power) a straight man (C2 - prohibition) against his will and then sensitively please (C1-longing) him.
During this whole time I tease him (C1 longing) to the point of orgasm and then back off. I do this over and over until he begs me to just let him orgasm (C3-power). After he orgasms I tease him again until he becomes aroused and orgasms again.
Finally, I take the cuffs off one hand and give him the key (C3 power). As I begin to walk away, he asks me to stop and wait for him (C1- longing). However, I just keep going and never see him again." (C4-ambivilence)
Analysis of Case Study
His earliest relationships he talked about were with his father.
His father was stoic, distant, and wants to make him into a macho jock. Even though he hated sports he would go play catch with his father just to spend time with him.
In his fantasy is role was never meant to hurt demean the faceless man. He was gentle, and kind.
Also noted was the fact that this straight man never struggles against this gay man, and was able to orgasm.
He finished the story by saying he unlocked one hand and left the man the key... the man ask him to stop and wait but he just kept going.
The symbolism we discovered was longing for the acceptance of this straight man. (The client states he has no interest in a meaningful relationship with a straight man (C4-ambivilence).
If the straight man could be just held down long enough to get to know this gay man, the straight man would not only accept him, but come to love and desire him too.
This is much of what he wanted from his dad... for his dad to just take the time to get to know him long enough to not only accept him, but to actually love him and want to spend time with him.
Sexual eroticism resided in the same part of the brain as our fear response, the Amygdala. During orgasm, the Amygdala shuts down resulting in a complete loss of fear. The idea that eroticism that leads to sexual orgasm and that orgasm leads to the cessation of fear, it seems logical that sexuality, in general, and sex, specifically, is the antithesis of fear and trauma. This may explain why sexually abused children have a high affinity to overtly sexual behavior.
Scott is a mental health practitioner in Central Minnesota working with clients in the areas of depression, anxiety, panic, OCD, PSTD, sexual health and relationships, health and sport Psychology, weight loss, chronic disease management, and runs support groups for sexual health, trauma, depression, and anxiety.
Scott Farmer MA, MS, CSCS, CES
Mental Health Practitioner CT
Exercise Physiologist
320.257.6020
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