The Meaning of Sexual Tension

By Isaiah D Giaccobbie

So you've heard of sexual tension. But what is the meaning of sexual tension? You've heard people describe it before, but yet somehow, you've still yet to fully define it. It's elusive; it's hidden. So what is sexual tension?

First, let's look at what tension is. Tension is defined as being "a pulling force, the act of stretching something tight." So what does this mean for sexual tension? Before we can answer that question, imagine what we go through throughout our days. Now, we all go about our days doing our business and living our lives, and -- occasionally -- we see a potential mate. And during these occasions, mini fantasies flash across our mind ofwhat we could potentially do with that person. Now, these quick flashes -- or fantasies that we have -- don't necessarily have to be sexual in nature. They can be emotional or otherwise, as well. For instance, you could see someone and think about hanging out out with them and laughing and having a good time, but the point is: we begin to fantasize. We fantasize at what COULD BE...

Now, when we finally are done fantasizing (and this whole ordeal might only take a few milliseconds), we begin to come back to reality and realize that this fantasy, which we have imagined in our heads doesn't actually exist yet. It is then that we get a slight sense of frustration -- we want that reality, and we want it NOW!! This, is what causes tension. Sexual tension is this same principle when applied to -- you guessed it: our sexual desires. It is when we want some sexual reality with someone, and something is stopping us from having it...

So, now that we have a basis for sexual tension, how exactly do we spark it and keep it going. Well, when you want to create sexual tension, you always have to keep in mind that this tension comes from "stretching apart" our fantasies and our reality. When we want something and we can't have that, this causes tension. So there are two steps: first, you must make them want you, and then you must slightly imply that they can't have you... yet.

Step one: Make them want you ;)

Now, I won't go too in depth into how to be attractive i since that would be too much for the scope of this article alone, but I will give a few general pointers. If you want more information as to how I would define it, you can take a look at some of my other articles as well to help you out.

So here are some general guidelines:

Keep good body language:

For the guys, imagine that you are about to go into battle and think about how you would stand ready for battle. You're eyes are somewhat soft, yet penetrating -- you see into her very soul and know exactly how to take her, but you make her wait -- just for the fun of it.

For women, imagine that you are being given the best massage you have ever felt. How soft and relaxed do you muscles feel? How easily will you be able to flow then? You're eyes should display that you are aware of the game that he is putting on, but you feel safe to play his game -- and you quite enjoy doing it!

Keep good voice rhythm:

Men, imagine that you want to take out absolutely any trace of slurring in your voice. Everything that you say is direct and slightly piercing. Think about about how Daniel Craig talks here.

Ladies, think as if you are letting him in on a little secret -- your little secret. But he needs to get closer to truly understand what you mean. When you speak it's as if every part of your body is involved in your voice. In a way, your voice is weak and trailing since your muscles feel so relaxed (as stated above), but there's one core part of you that's intrigued at what might happen, at the possibility of what could be -- and it's through that part of you that you find the energy to speak. Here, think about the way that Anna Hathaway speaks into Christian Bale's ear in the final Batman movie when she says, "You're all going to wonder how you ever thought you could live so large and leave so little for the rest of us."

Also, try practicing the sly smile -- you know which one I'm talking about: the one that George Clooney and Angelina Jolie are so good at doing. Yeah, that one, practice that.

Step Two: They can't have you... yet!

So here is a quick aside on creating obstacles: If you are too hard to get, they might just give up.

So sexual tension lies in this middle ground: there must be a possibility that they can eventually have sex (or commit sexual acts apart from that) with you, but there is something in their way stopping them; there is an obstacle keeping them from making this fantasy of theirs into a reality. It's up to you to create that obstacle.

This can be done verbally or physically. Verbally, some examples might be like saying, "maybe later... if you play your cards right... ", or "ohh... wouldn't you like to know?" or, "Maybe I'll show you later... we'll see,..,," See? There is still the possibility that they can have you, but they have to work for it -- it's not immediate, you've created an obstacle.

Physically, this might be in the form of pulling in closely as if you're going to kiss them and then pulling away at the last moment. Then you can say, "That's all you get for now. You'll get some more if you behave." See what's going on here -- they've gotten close to fulfilling this fantasy of theirs, but just at the last moment, you added an obstacle, thus creating more tension. One final note: you want to continue to escalate things, (unless if you don;t plan on ever actually doing anything, which is totally fine as well). Remember the saying "two steps forward, one step back?" Yeah, that's what you want to do. You want to move forward and then back a little bit, but such that overall, you are still advancing.

So what makes this so fun? It's the resolution. Shakespeare said, "That which we gain too light we esteem too cheaply." When they finally do get what they've been after, the sweetness of the rewards just taste that much better. So try this out, you'll get better at it over time, and learning will be fun along the way.

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