Let's Talk About Sex - Reconnecting As Partners

By Tammy Fletcher

Of all the topics that are difficult to bring up, even in the therapy room, sex has to be near the top of the list. Telling your partner what you want, and how you want it, can be one of the most challenging topics in a relationship. Imagine bringing up these issues to a therapist! I want to reassure you that therapists are trained in issues related to sexuality, and we are not there to judge, but rather to support and help you find the solutions that work best for you.

If sexuality is an important part of who we are and our relationships, but it's uncomfortable to talk about, we've got a bit of a Catch-22. I think we can find a middle ground, and this article will give you some ideas for addressing issues around sexuality in your relationships in a way that increases your comfort and increase your sense of freedom.

First, when we are uncomfortable with being sexual with someone else, and the relationship is basically sound, sometimes what is underlying is a feeling of not feeling comfortable with yourself. Worrying about things like your body or your performance get right in the way of your ability to relax and enjoy the connection of sex. So first and foremost, feeling good about yourself, the way you are, is the first step in healthy sexuality.

Second, your connection with your partner in non-sexual ways is extremely important. Things like holding hands, hugging, or other ways of showing physical connection create a couples connection even out of the bedroom. If the only time you are touching is as a prelude to sex, you are missing out on all the ways you can use touch to show that you care for your partner.

Third, communication is key. Yes, it can be difficult to talk about, but telling your partner how you feel and what you like are ways to strengthen your sexual bond. Worries can feel much lighter when shared, as well.

Finally, those of you who do seek therapy to work through issues of sexuality may be in for a surprise at how helpful it can be. We are not there to judge you, and chances are we have heard stories similar to yours before. We can work with you to help turn sexuality from a source of confusion or worry to a renewed connection with yourself and your loved one.

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